Living with someone who has Dementia can be a bit (a big bit) of a roller coaster. Remaining calm in any given situation is the one thing that helps me as a carer but sometimes the effort of self restraint can take it's toll. I always wake up quite early in the morning. As soon as my eyes open I'm pretty much up and getting ready for the day. In the past, on a day off work, this would mean putting the kettle on first of all then having breakfast at my leisure or taking a shower/bath and contemplating the day ahead. Whichever the order, I had nothing else to worry about except myself and 'dug'...unless I had errands or appointments for either of my parents. Then my day was pretty much decided. Depending on how that (those) day(s) went I'd either finish it off with a little (large) glass (bottle!) of wine and perhaps a few (copious amounts of) Maltesers! Nothing like self medicating in times of stress. With the number of times I've plugged Maltesers over the years I should be getting royalties.
My mornings couldn't be more different. With only one bedroom in the house, I sleep on a chair bed. I have to wait until my dad goes to bed at night before I unfold it and depending on how tired I am, this can be done in 5 minutes...or not. The effort most definitely takes me over my daily allowance of expletives which is most annoying as I am trying so hard to cut down.
I lay down to sleep or watch something on Netflix on my laptop if I'm not too tired. Actually...that's a lie. I haven't seen Netflix since July!!
As soon as my eyes open in the morning I am up and folding everything up so that when my dad walks into the living room it looks just as it did when he left to go to bed. Every morning I aim to have a few moments to myself just to wake up properly but you can guarantee as soon as I sit my arse down to enjoy a cup of tea, the living room door opens.
"Good morning!" he'll say. "Did you have a good sleep? I had a great sleep."
That's it...I'm 'ON'.
My dad has the same breakfast every morning. A bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes. "There's nothing like crunchy nuts to start off the day dad is there?" I joke. My dad finds this funny and laughs. My witty repartee is always appreciated by my dad even though I've repeated the same line for over 2 months now. He's heard it for the first time today...and will again tomorrow.
I draped dad's underwear over the warm towel rail while I set up the shower. He started to undress in the hallway again this morning, in front of the window with open blinds. I had the shower head in my hand, pointing into the drain until the temperature level was right and ready for dad when he eventually stepped into the cubicle. This meant that I couldn't move very much or reach out to him so all of my instructions to my dad were verbal. I asked him to come into the bathroom so that I could close the door. The bathroom floor is shiny white tiled (F**K!) which highlights every bit of fluff. Condensation seems to attract fluff...and fluff attracts my dad's attention. Making his way forward he stopped to bend down and investigate. My heart leaps to my mouth every time he does this when my hands are free so when he does this and I can't get close enough to grab his arm, I call upon my inner calm, clench my arse cheeks and say, "The shower's ready for your dad!"
Dad's attention averted...normal heart rate resumed. Arse cheeks relaxed!
Shower...dressed...done.
Ever since collecting my mother's ashes just over 2 weeks ago, it has been well documented how the presentation of them has played on my mind, to the point of filtering my dreams. After finding and buying the treasure chest shaped boxes in a craft store yesterday, all I've wanted to do was at least transfer them from the crappy paper bag they've lain in. I had to pick my moment so that I wouldn't attract my dad's attention. Too much to consider. The noise of the paper bag...the opening and closing of doors...the anxiety building in case I should drop anything solid onto the laminate floor therefore avoiding the inevitable "WHIT IZZIT??" precluding the shuffling noise of his slippers across the fkn laminate at a rate of knots.
Perry Como supplied me with that 'magic' moment!
"Look what I've got dad," I said, handing him the CD. His wee face lit up. "Shall I play it for you?"
"Oh aye!" he said.
While Perry filled the room questioning what Della wore, I left dad looking over a 'back in time' booklet from the 50's that my daughter had sent him as he tapped his foot and sang along.
Finally, I managed to ease my heart a little in the other room.
I sealed the boxes with pink unicorn duck tape...just because. My mother will be travelling to Maidstone with me soon to be with my daughter, hence the little treasure chest.
I will take care of the rest over a period of time...without the company or knowledge of my dad.
With a heavy sigh, I stored the treasure chests out of reach and sight before heading back to the living room. Dad was happily indulging in the music. I smiled as he pulled faces singing the words with such exaggeration. We were going out soon so I went to fetch his shoes. I came back into the room fooling around with mocking dance moves. "Away ya daft buggar!" he said. I told him he'd better get into shape for Blackpool Ballroom. We'll be heading there very soon. That said, I went to fetch his jacket from the hallway cupboard and came back into the room to find him up on his feet, shimmying back and forth...on the fkn laminate!
"I didn't mean it literally dad!"
JEEEEEEEZ!! I need a new tact...
...and new pants!
My mornings couldn't be more different. With only one bedroom in the house, I sleep on a chair bed. I have to wait until my dad goes to bed at night before I unfold it and depending on how tired I am, this can be done in 5 minutes...or not. The effort most definitely takes me over my daily allowance of expletives which is most annoying as I am trying so hard to cut down.
I lay down to sleep or watch something on Netflix on my laptop if I'm not too tired. Actually...that's a lie. I haven't seen Netflix since July!!
As soon as my eyes open in the morning I am up and folding everything up so that when my dad walks into the living room it looks just as it did when he left to go to bed. Every morning I aim to have a few moments to myself just to wake up properly but you can guarantee as soon as I sit my arse down to enjoy a cup of tea, the living room door opens.
"Good morning!" he'll say. "Did you have a good sleep? I had a great sleep."
That's it...I'm 'ON'.
My dad has the same breakfast every morning. A bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes. "There's nothing like crunchy nuts to start off the day dad is there?" I joke. My dad finds this funny and laughs. My witty repartee is always appreciated by my dad even though I've repeated the same line for over 2 months now. He's heard it for the first time today...and will again tomorrow.
I draped dad's underwear over the warm towel rail while I set up the shower. He started to undress in the hallway again this morning, in front of the window with open blinds. I had the shower head in my hand, pointing into the drain until the temperature level was right and ready for dad when he eventually stepped into the cubicle. This meant that I couldn't move very much or reach out to him so all of my instructions to my dad were verbal. I asked him to come into the bathroom so that I could close the door. The bathroom floor is shiny white tiled (F**K!) which highlights every bit of fluff. Condensation seems to attract fluff...and fluff attracts my dad's attention. Making his way forward he stopped to bend down and investigate. My heart leaps to my mouth every time he does this when my hands are free so when he does this and I can't get close enough to grab his arm, I call upon my inner calm, clench my arse cheeks and say, "The shower's ready for your dad!"
Dad's attention averted...normal heart rate resumed. Arse cheeks relaxed!
Shower...dressed...done.
Ever since collecting my mother's ashes just over 2 weeks ago, it has been well documented how the presentation of them has played on my mind, to the point of filtering my dreams. After finding and buying the treasure chest shaped boxes in a craft store yesterday, all I've wanted to do was at least transfer them from the crappy paper bag they've lain in. I had to pick my moment so that I wouldn't attract my dad's attention. Too much to consider. The noise of the paper bag...the opening and closing of doors...the anxiety building in case I should drop anything solid onto the laminate floor therefore avoiding the inevitable "WHIT IZZIT??" precluding the shuffling noise of his slippers across the fkn laminate at a rate of knots.
Perry Como supplied me with that 'magic' moment!
"Look what I've got dad," I said, handing him the CD. His wee face lit up. "Shall I play it for you?"
"Oh aye!" he said.
While Perry filled the room questioning what Della wore, I left dad looking over a 'back in time' booklet from the 50's that my daughter had sent him as he tapped his foot and sang along.
Finally, I managed to ease my heart a little in the other room.
I sealed the boxes with pink unicorn duck tape...just because. My mother will be travelling to Maidstone with me soon to be with my daughter, hence the little treasure chest.
I will take care of the rest over a period of time...without the company or knowledge of my dad.
With a heavy sigh, I stored the treasure chests out of reach and sight before heading back to the living room. Dad was happily indulging in the music. I smiled as he pulled faces singing the words with such exaggeration. We were going out soon so I went to fetch his shoes. I came back into the room fooling around with mocking dance moves. "Away ya daft buggar!" he said. I told him he'd better get into shape for Blackpool Ballroom. We'll be heading there very soon. That said, I went to fetch his jacket from the hallway cupboard and came back into the room to find him up on his feet, shimmying back and forth...on the fkn laminate!
"I didn't mean it literally dad!"
JEEEEEEEZ!! I need a new tact...
...and new pants!
The treasure chests are perfick. You are also going to have a perfick rear end with all the cheek action 😂
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