For the last few weeks my dad hasn't quite been himself. His mobility has given me a lot of cause for concern along with nausea and tiredness. After spending one night in hospital due to a very low heart rate he was sent home. I wasn't happy, with the hospital or my dad's behaviours. As the days went by it was obvious that he wasn't improving at all so once again I called the doctor. He immediately called for the ambulance to get my dad back into hospital. Over the days that followed I found myself repeating to various nurses and doctors the same story. I felt like a broken record. I know my dad is almost 90 years old. I don't expect him to be tap dancing his way across the floor but his movements had changed so much lately that it was becoming a major concern for me at home. Dad ended up being moved from one ward to another for whatever reason but this time around it all seemed for the good. Every ward had their purpose and I was beginning to finally feel that he wasn't being ignored. I had excellent conversations with the nurses and a one to one with a female doctor. Instead of being given more medication to fix dad's problem, he's actually been take off his patches. Transdermal Rivastigmine patches are applied every 24 hours, their purpose being to help improve the ability to think and remember. They aren't a cure for Dementia but they are used to slow down the loss of these abilities. The necessity for them varies from person to person. I have always wondered exactly what use they are to my dad as I play the 'hunt the patch' game every day. He never has one on for the time required as he feels his skin itching and goes in search of the culprit and removes it, carefully folding it in half before he tucks it under his pillow, or places it neatly on his dinner plate among the leftover food. Or...I may find them stuck inside the rubber on the window of the washing machine as the wash removes them from his pants or socks! The patches can alleviate aggressive symptoms and have an almost calming influence so there is a reason why some families wouldn't want their loved one to be taken off such medication. The patches can slow the heart rate.....BINGO! As my dad is neither aggressive nor in need of any more calming influences other than myself, he was taken off the patches and observed over a short period of days to ensure that he suffered no adverse effects. He is also on a nightly tablet which helps reduce the amount of visits he makes to the loo overnight.
He has been home for two days. The first day he was overly tired but I put this down to the fact he wasn't sleeping soundly in a hospital bed. Last night he had a solid sleep...AND SO DID I!
Dad is looking more stable than he has for a wee while so I can only keep my fingers crossed that he has regained his 'normal'.
As bad as it sounds, despite going back and forth to the hospital every day, I was truly glad of the respite. The nurses were so understanding and I know that they kept him in for one more day than was necessary. To be fair, they weren't organised enough to allow him home the night before he actually did come home so I did them a favour too by not insisting.
"Go home and put your feet up and relax," I was told. So I did! 😄
One thing I did get to take part in while my dad was in hospital was attending Daniel's Christmas sing-a-long at his school. (For those who don't already know, Daniel has Downs Syndrome and is now a very cheeky little 11 year old) The children sat on benches and eagerly watched the door as their parent or grandparent entered. Daniel flew off the bench as soon as he saw me.
"GRANNY!" he squealed. Looking around at all his friends and teachers he proudly showed me off. At the same time he was strangling me with his arms wrapped tightly around my neck, pulling my head down to kiss it.
"IT'S MA GRANNY! LOOK!" he beamed. "AH LOVE HER!!"
I almost keeled over when he tried to get his favourite teacher's attention.
"MARGARET!" he shouted. So close it seems that they are on first name terms. I laughed out loud.
"Are you the famous granny who makes mince and tatties, steak pie and curry?" she asked.
Among other things...yes...I guess so. My heart was fit to burst that day. Daniel's cuddles were so welcome even though they came with bruises!
My birthday was nearing. I'd bought myself a card from my dad earlier in the week and had managed to get him to sign it. He didn't know it was for me but knew it was for his daughter. I tucked the card in a drawer until my birthday arrived.
I also bought him a Christmas card. To Dad. I signed it and left it beside his recliner for when he got home.
"Where have you been?" was the first thing he asked as I entered his side room.
I ignored this as he clearly wasn't able to appreciate the visits I'd made to him every day, taking him drinks and snacks and sorting out laundry. I decided to smile and get him ready to go home.
I put the kettle on to make him a welcome cup of tea while he settled himself on the recliner with his feet up. I pointed out the Christmas cards on the table beside him that had started to arrive.
"There's one there for you dad," I said.
"Oh," he said, as he started to open it.
He looked at the front. 'Dad' was clear to see in big letters. Inside I'd written 'To dad, Lots of love...Lorraine xxx'
He read it to himself and smiled, saying nothing.
"Who is it from dad?" I asked.
Opening the card again, he pointed to the name. "Lorraine," he said.
"Who is Lorraine?" I asked.
He looked at the front of the card again, reading 'Dad' on the front. He opened the card again and with an almost annoyed tone, he pointed to my name again and said, "Lorraine! It says it there!"
"I know," I said. "But do you know who Lorraine is?"
"Yes," he said. "It's our daughter."
"Dad," I started, "the card is from me. I'm Lorraine. Your daughter."
I'll never forget the look on his face. If I described it as disappointment I wouldn't be far wrong, although it wasn't aimed at me. It was more of a realisation that he hadn't recognised me in the first place.
"Oh what am I saying," he said as he shook his head.
"It's okay dad," I said trying to be comforting. "You just get a wee bit mixed up sometimes."
Another birthday has come and gone. How everything has changed and will continue to do so as this path takes on its own twists and turns. I have yet to come to terms with all of the changes but I try not to dwell. There is no point in throwing my toys out of the pram waiting for them to be returned in the right order. Life has given me my biggest challenges this year, emotionally more than physically, although a combination of the two could be lethal if I didn't draw on the last ounce of strength and determination to get me through to the next phase...whatever that may be.
Thank God for friends who have gone through the same and who know what it's like when I sometimes forget who I used to be and need reminding that I still am that person. I am not looking forward to New Year and intend to sleep over into 2019 and not give the old year a final 'cheers'. It is not worthy.
What IS worthy is how I choose to direct myself for the remainder of this life and appreciate all that I have and expect no more but especially no less. I hope all the complications my mother's death has brought and the Guardianship of my dad will be resolved quickly next year and give me a chance at least to move forward with the freedom of choice I deserve.
I'm so glad you're home dad. Just keep being who you are...and I'll be whoever you think I am today, tomorrow,
and the day after.
x
"Where have you been?" was the first thing he asked as I entered his side room.
I ignored this as he clearly wasn't able to appreciate the visits I'd made to him every day, taking him drinks and snacks and sorting out laundry. I decided to smile and get him ready to go home.
I put the kettle on to make him a welcome cup of tea while he settled himself on the recliner with his feet up. I pointed out the Christmas cards on the table beside him that had started to arrive.
"There's one there for you dad," I said.
"Oh," he said, as he started to open it.
He looked at the front. 'Dad' was clear to see in big letters. Inside I'd written 'To dad, Lots of love...Lorraine xxx'
He read it to himself and smiled, saying nothing.
"Who is it from dad?" I asked.
Opening the card again, he pointed to the name. "Lorraine," he said.
"Who is Lorraine?" I asked.
He looked at the front of the card again, reading 'Dad' on the front. He opened the card again and with an almost annoyed tone, he pointed to my name again and said, "Lorraine! It says it there!"
"I know," I said. "But do you know who Lorraine is?"
"Yes," he said. "It's our daughter."
"Dad," I started, "the card is from me. I'm Lorraine. Your daughter."
I'll never forget the look on his face. If I described it as disappointment I wouldn't be far wrong, although it wasn't aimed at me. It was more of a realisation that he hadn't recognised me in the first place.
"Oh what am I saying," he said as he shook his head.
"It's okay dad," I said trying to be comforting. "You just get a wee bit mixed up sometimes."
Another birthday has come and gone. How everything has changed and will continue to do so as this path takes on its own twists and turns. I have yet to come to terms with all of the changes but I try not to dwell. There is no point in throwing my toys out of the pram waiting for them to be returned in the right order. Life has given me my biggest challenges this year, emotionally more than physically, although a combination of the two could be lethal if I didn't draw on the last ounce of strength and determination to get me through to the next phase...whatever that may be.
Thank God for friends who have gone through the same and who know what it's like when I sometimes forget who I used to be and need reminding that I still am that person. I am not looking forward to New Year and intend to sleep over into 2019 and not give the old year a final 'cheers'. It is not worthy.
What IS worthy is how I choose to direct myself for the remainder of this life and appreciate all that I have and expect no more but especially no less. I hope all the complications my mother's death has brought and the Guardianship of my dad will be resolved quickly next year and give me a chance at least to move forward with the freedom of choice I deserve.
I'm so glad you're home dad. Just keep being who you are...and I'll be whoever you think I am today, tomorrow,
and the day after.
x
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