So it begins...another year of new adventures, life changing moments with the occasional challenge thrown in. Bring it on I say.
New Year happened while I lay watching Netflix wrapped in my duvet with 'dug' draped over my legs. Dad had already retired to bed not knowing if it was New York or New Year...and I really couldn't have cared less. All I could think about was the baking and creating I had ahead of me for the next few days to get a Harry Potter themed cake out the door for the 4th. I don't know the last time I felt so excited and prepared to put together a creation of this kind. The theme certainly helped in the excitement department but it wasn't just that. I felt like I'd dropped my own invisibility cloak and was ready to take it on with new vibrancy and attitude. Dad's reaction to every little detail I completed and presented him with was more than enough to boost my confidence.
New Year my arse. This is a new awakening. Yesterday is gone but not forgotten, only tucked away in a drawer in the compartment of 'Do Not Enter' in my head. Not to be revisited any time soon.
Dad's weekly visit to the Day Centre took place on Wednesday. It's been closed for the holidays and prior to that, dad was in hospital. It's been a loooooong 3 weeks without those precious hours where I can recharge and keep things going. You don't realise just how much it means until it's taken away. I've been taking dad out for coffee and our usual little car jaunts but the shopping centre has been crazy busy during the holiday period and the noise along with the hustle and bustle only brought out the irritant in my dad. There were more than the normal 'dizzy' spells and huffs and puffs as he suddenly couldn't eat what was put in front of him...all for the crowd. As soon as we'd get home, he'd tear across the floor to his recliner and put his feet up and welcome his cup of tea and packet of crisps. If he wasn't in the mood for this I'd know there was something really wrong. But I have a keen sixth sense about my dad. I also know that my reactions have to be measured and for his own benefit I 'play the game' until he realises that he isn't falling ill and that I'm not here as a landing cushion should he (decide to) fall.
I shower dad every other day. On the days when I give him a wash at the sink, I run the water until it's nice and hot then fill the sink with soapy bubbles. I used to tell him to make his way to the bathroom and to remove his pyjama top while I'd go to the bedroom and fetch a clean vest and perhaps a towel or two. All of a sudden he has started to pull the plug out of the sink so by the time I get back to the bathroom most of the water has gone. I have to run the tap again until the water heats so I empty the sink and start over. Now I have changed the routine a bit. Vest and towels need to be in the bathroom and I stay there until dad is standing, ready for a wash and the prepared hot water remains in the sink. But...he still tries to pull the plug as I'm drying him off before I've completely finished. Caring for someone who needs repetitive instruction does make you feel like a broken record and there is no point in thinking it's going to change any time soon. Although the changes I've noticed in my dad are slight, they can still be very wearing. Accept this as your daily life and make plans for the hours that can be entirely your own. As I choose the dates for dad's respite throughout this year, I will bear in mind the importance of time alone. I will be working harder to train myself to 'let go' and use this necessary time for anything and everything...apart from worrying.
I've finally managed to take myself in hand and get rid of the extra arse I've grown over the past months. Instead of dieting as such, I'm eating pretty much the same portions as my dad and cutting out the crap in between. It's already working. I'm in no rush. Just feeling comfortable in my clothes again will do for now. I've even managed to avoid opening the last two boxes of Maltesers left over from those sent over Christmas by my American 'sister' and her family. For this I'm rather proud.
Notice that I'm not telling you how many boxes were actually sent just 2 weeks ago but the Guinness Book of Records have been in touch!
We have a new addition to the family, dad and I. It's a Yamaha Keyboard!! Yippee!
It's been a long time since I played a piano and although I couldn't sit and play one properly now, I still have enough skills to knock out a tune on a keyboard. I've thought about this for a long time. My dad used to mess around on the piano although he never stopped to practice a tune from beginning to end. He had no patience and made it up as he went along. He has always loved the sound of the piano and could sit quite happily and listen to it being played...even by me.
I've surprised myself with how little practice it's taking to be able to play something with the choice of so many lovely accompaniments at the touch of a button and let him enjoy it once again.
It wasn't just for his pleasure I chose to do this now. My hands and arms are still in constant pain and discomfort. Some days worse than others. I am being sent to a rheumatologist soon to see what can be done to alleviate this as the medication I've been given has helped other areas to a certain degree but somehow has missed my hands. I thought by keeping my fingers moving along a keyboard would be a great source of exercise with the pleasure of music thrown in. I am finding that after an hour or so I have to stop as my fingers seize and the pain worsens. I'm not giving up so easily. Once I get through this 'wall' I'm certain everything will get better. It's not a new me I'm hoping for in this next chapter, it's the old me I wish to welcome back. She's heading in the right direction for sure.
One of the biggest changes since I came to live with my dad has been his nightly shuffles to the bathroom. After his spell in hospital last month, I think his medication has finally been remedied and he only gets up once or twice as opposed to five or six times which means my sleep has been disrupted less and less. I've never felt fresher in the mornings than I do of late...which is just as well as I'm on call as soon as he shuffles through the door in the morning.
But...
"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life....and I'm feeling...GOOD!"
No comments:
Post a Comment