Remember me dad...I'm your daughter: Time to reflect

Thursday, 8 November 2018

Time to reflect

I feel that I have abandoned my blog. There is so much to write but even I am struggling to put into words what needs to be said.

I left you with dad and I going off to Cake International at the NEC, Birmingham. Another chance to be somewhere else other than home with dad and see how he...and I...coped. But I also went off with the knowledge that my little sidekick, Paul, was seriously ill. Sadly, he passed away on Sunday 4th November.

This blog is not the place to tell you all about Paul and what he meant to me and my family, but I will do so when I am ready and I will offer a link for anyone who wishes to know more.

What is relevant to this blog is the masking of emotions when living with someone who has dementia. Having no outlet when dealing with devastating news....the death of my mother just over 3 months ago and now Paul who was part of all of our lives for almost 19 years. Every day has to go on regardless, as long as my dad is settled and well. It's all that matters.

But it isn't.

I need to take a little time out before I can write what I need to say. Good or bad, I'll say it like it is as I always do.

Paul's funeral is on Friday 16th November. I am going to take a break from writing until it is all over and take time to reflect, review and renew.

Thank you so much to everyone who follows this crazy life of mine.

I know I am not alone and I will continue to share my journey as soon as I evict the box of frogs jumping around in my head.

You will always be in my heart Paul Campbell.

Always.

2 comments:

Mari9 November 2018 at 04:21
So sorry to hear about Paul...in fact just 2 day ago I remembered that I haven’t checked your blog and also I said to myself that ‘I wonder how your little guy is.’ God bless you Lorraine...we will keep you in our prayers.
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qwatche13 November 2018 at 05:51
My condolences to you Lorraine. May he rest in peace. You are carrying a very heavy load. Please don't give up writing your blog even if it is sporadic. We are happy to wait for you! I read your blog every couple of weeks, it never fails to make me feel. You have a truly good heart!
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My father is John Bowie (no relation to the iconic music hero) Duffy. He was born on January 15th, 1929. He lives in Whitburn, West Lothian, Scotland and was diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia just a couple of years ago although the signs were there probably two years prior. It just wasn't so obvious. It never is, and at that age, it gets put down to senility. So where do I come in? Let me explain...

I have been a Carer for many years. I have no written qualification, no certificates or awards. All I have to show for what I have done previously...is me. I took a break from Caring when I discovered I had a talent for all things sweet. Those of you who already know me can vouch for this, but for those of you who don't then let me tell you that I have been on the most fantastic journey through the art of cake decorating. But all good things must come to an end...or do they. We can't always control what we do. Life just happens and it's how you deal with it that makes the difference. I returned to Caring in 2014.

In his lifetime, my father has had cancer. He has no stomach and he also has Diverticular Disease which is well controlled with diet...which include copious amounts of crisps! (He's almost 90. How can I say no?) My mother, Anne, had breast cancer many years ago and in 2016 was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. She had an operation to remove it but one year on was given the news that it hadn't been successful. She returned to hospital on the 4th of July 2018 and never came home. She passed away on 31st July and was buried on 10th August 2018...the day before her 84th birthday. I moved in with my father on the day my mother went in to hospital, thinking that I would be returning to work soon and that I would have Carers visit regularly to keep him on track. It didn't take very long to realise that this was never going to happen. I made a choice. I left my job, notified my Landlord that I would be moving out...fast, moved in with my father and am now his full-time Carer.

My father has never mentioned my mother since her funeral and no longer recognises her in photographs. He knows I am related to him but doesn't always get the relationship correct. He can't tell you my name...or my dog's...who is Poppy by the way but at times during this blog will be referred to as "dug"!

My intention through this blog is to enlighten you with the day to day (survival) routine which is living with Dementia or someone who suffers. I don't have fancy words to tell you, I don't know medical terms or technical jargon. What I do have is a sense of humour and a real life situation. I hope that my words will give strength to some and hope to others.

Thank you for taking the time to read!